The following story is real and, in honour of the holiday season, is purely posted for fun!
Now before I’m accused of ranting like an over 40’s conservative male, let me confess: I AM an over 40’s conservative male. That said, I reckon my opinion is shared by many, both over and under 40, male and female. So let’s get to the story…
Friday. Lunch time. CBD Mall. School holidays. For some that would be sufficient information to already scream – aaaaargh! But for me, this just begins the tale. On this particularly warm Summer afternoon, I noticed (through no deliberate action on my part it must be stressed) a proliferation of women wearing shorts accompanied by equally short tops which creates not just a potential “muffin-top” situation but a more frightening “builders crack” scenario. Now I have no experience of a building site so I don’t know whether this so-called ‘bum cleavage’ is a characteristic of builders generously shared with the broader populace, if it’s a clothing design fault or if indeed it is a conscious fashion decision.
Anyway, back to my original question – where do I look?
Casting my eyes right, I’m confronted by another fashion-challenged woman. In a display reminiscent of past visits to my chiropractor , I snapped my head to the left, only to again have my vision assaulted. Up, look up, I chanted. This however greatly increased the risk of walking into one of these people proudly displaying their wares. Visual proximity is one thing. Physical proximity is in another league altogether. What to do?
Seeking to escape via an escalator into a shopping centre, my already confused mind was challenged even further. Boldly claiming my spot on the moving stairs seeking to find balance in this chaotic environment, not one but two people decided I needed company thus sharing the stair which I thought social etiquette commanded was mine, and mine alone. Three total strangers standing side-by-side revelling in the intimacy of shared personal space. Ahead, look ahead.
And there it was – a muffin top / builders crack combo. Within arms reach. Monopolizing my entire line of sight.
I closed my eyes.
LET HOPE RISE!
Image credit: alexeyzet / 123RF Stock Photo